Dec 13 - Breakfast, tree and ice cream

Last Sunday, we remembered why we don't go to Snooze anymore. The food is so good, but we arrived before 10 and still had to wait half an hour. Isaac was mostly patient, but it took a lot of entertaining from Adam, and he still punctuated the background chatter with calls: "Your fo-od!"



At home, I was hoping to get some pictures of the boys together. It was going fine until I got a little too absorbed in trying to get a good shot.





The picture below was right before Jonah rolled off the sofa...

I managed to catch him, but he still didn't like it. Isaac had relaxed his arms too much. I learned my lesson.



Some year we hope to go cut down a tree in the mountains, but this year we got our tree the easy way - right in the neighborhood, with the extra bonus of ice cream. Adam and Isaac drove down, and I met them there with Jonah in the stroller.



Isaac loved my vanilla milkshake.







And Adam's mint oreo wasn't bad either.







Christmas trees and ice cream...a surprisingly nice combination. Especially on a crisp December day when the Colorado sun makes it just warm enough to enjoy the patio.

Videos and a few more Jonah pics

Nov 30. Age 2 months and 3 days.



The videos may get a little slow, but they are a good glimpse of Jonah-world for his faraway fans.

Nov 28 - Isaac taking care of his brother.


Dec 7 - Some Jonah-smiles.

Nov 27 - Jonah

I was starting to think he didn't know who I was and didn't care either. He stared at the fan or the wall when I talked to him and didn't seem to react when I entered the room. Unless he was hungry, and then he cried as soon as I picked him up. I wondered why, at 7 weeks, he wasn't looking us in the eye more and wasn't smiling much besides a passing look of humor maybe twice a day.

I should have had more faith. Like everything else Jonah does, he wants to do it his own way, in his own time (nursing and sleeping, for instance).

One morning I was telling Adam my frustrations - that of course everything I'd been through and was doing for Jonah was worth it, but I was still waiting for the part that makes it really worth it: being MAMA. The one who makes him light up, the one who soothes him when he's sad, the one he loves like no other. The smiles, staring me in the face, watching me as I move around the room. I wanted my baby to be in love with me.

As we talked, we realized that we'd been giving Jonah minimal social interaction in order to protect Isaac's feelings. Yes, I'd nursed him constantly in the early months, I was always holding him, we talked to him all day, but we hadn't wanted Isaac to see us fawning over another child. We didn't stare into his eyes and tell him how beautiful and perfect he was; we didn't coo at him or play with him without a constant worry that Isaac was feeling left out or jealous.

But every baby deserves to be fawned over. Every baby deserves that goofy, grinning, baby-talking, mama-in-love kind of attention that is so easy to give when there is only one child. And from what I understand, babies who get less social interaction don't smile as early. So we changed things. Isaac would have to adjust; we'd been ignoring our perfect number two a little bit.

During that conversation, I was holding Jonah, who was innocently staring at the wall. Adam started playing with him, giving his full attention, being silly, even though Isaac was within earshot. And Jonah looked up at him and smiled. And smiled more, and more. It was a series of big, toothless, whole-face smiles, eyes directed straight at Adam's face. I felt a little better.

From then on, we felt free to make a fuss over Jonah, the way we should have done all along. The first time Isaac saw me leaning over him, mimicking his sounds, blocking out all else but those big blue eyes staring into mine, he looked mad. Resentful. But he got used to it. And Jonah...well, it could have been a coincidence - maybe he just hadn't been ready yet - but after that conversation with Adam, and the changes we made, he started smiling all the time. Huge smiles, and beautiful coos to go with them.

Now his eyes follow me around the room. He stares at me with big eyes and a slight smile when I talk to him, he watches my mouth move like he's trying to learn how it all works, and he even initiates conversation by looking right at one of us and sending a big smile and a few words in Jonah-language our way.

I had nothing to worry about. He loves me. He loves all of us. And Isaac will be fine.


The pictures below are just from my cell phone, but they are still pretty cute.

Nov 26 - Thanksgiving!

We didn't want to travel with such a little baby, so we stayed home to celebrate this year. Isaac's good buddy Oliver and his parents were also here without family, so we split the cooking and the turkey and had a wonderful Thanksgiving here at our house.

These are a few pictures of Jonah from the morning. Above is one of his talking faces. Wish I could add sound, and you'd hear the sweetest little coos - soft and loud, up and down, all while looking at me with a face that seems to alternately seek approval ("Do you like this one? What about this?") and smile enormously at the funny things he is saying. We've been having long conversations for a few weeks now - I talk, he answers, eye to eye, his legs folding and unfolding in the air, arms conducting his imaginary orchestra. Below, a little smile...I was still working on capturing this on camera. As soon as he sees a camera, he just wants to stare at it, and he stops talking...



I'd made sweet potatoes and rolls ahead of time, and I finished the sausage-cornbread-apple dressing in the morning. Adam's jobs were to cook the turkey and make mashed potatoes and gravy. We used a huge pot of our own backyard potatoes and as many CSA veggies as we could, so it really was a harvest festival. Megan brought cheeses and veggies for appetizers, salad, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, apple pie, chocolate cream pie, and ice cream - all so yummy and homemade, including the ice cream. We all contributed wine, and it was an amazing candlelight feast in our house with good friends - a wonderful night.



Below, Isaac and Ollie working on their toasting skills.


I had fun arranging our CSA veggies to make a centerpiece of sorts. I'd envisioned candles dispersed throughout the pumpkins and gourds, but in the end I didn't have that many candles...But I took a picture anyway.


And rolls, fresh from the oven...


The boys had played hard and were ready to eat.


After-dinner mischief.

Nov 25 - Playgroup at the Fire Station!

So maybe it was a little dorky of me, but I was almost as excited about this playgroup as Isaac was, and I dressed the boys accordingly: a fire truck onesie and matching hoody for Jonah and a fireman hat and monkey-in-fire-hat shirt for Isaac. The big guy was thrilled to wear his hat to playgroup, and the truck was his idea - he insisted on bringing it into the fire station.
I must say, Isaac was cute as could be, hesitantly walking into the station with his golden curls, fire hat on sideways, clutching his fire truck under his arm and the biggest eyes you could imagine. Every day, if he's not a worker or a farmer, Isaac is a fireman. He rides his fire truck, makes fire truck parking lots, sprays imaginary water on imaginary smoke, and wears his hat all over the house. If you are sitting at his level, he'll walk over to you with great purpose, put his hand on your knee, look you in the eye, and say emphatically: "You fireman." And by "you," he of course means "I."




Max's stay-at-home dad gets the prize for the coolest dad of playgroup, as this was his idea. We had an appointment at the fire station! And though we missed the tour at the beginning (Jonah had to eat again), Isaac got to "drive" a real fire truck, touch all the equipment inside, and watch an obliging fireman put on all his gear. You can see him watching that process in the photo below - not the best, since I only had my cell phone. Too bad I couldn't get any faces because I think half the kids were terrified of the man who suddenly became a monster in a black suit and a full head mask with breathing tube snaking out of it!



Thanks to Kari and Shawn for all the good pictures in this post, which they kindly took for me since my camera was without a battery!



In all these pictures, Isaac's thought cloud would say: Don't take my fire truck!



When it was time to go, we played outside for a few minutes and then walked to a nearby playground with friends. It was quite cold, but I don't think Isaac noticed.



"You climbing a MOUN-tain!"

Mid-Nov: Isaac is a natural

When people ask about Jonah, they also kindly ask how Isaac is doing and how he likes having a brother. Some, maybe based on their own experiences, assume that he doesn't like it much.

Not true though - he adores Jonah, and though it was a big transition, the hard part was losing my attention. Now I can't run to him whenever he needs something, I can't snuggle peacefully at naptime if Jonah is screaming for his nap too, and we have very little time alone together. Worst of all, my lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion - from the times when both kids are screaming and I feel that I can't give either the comfort he needs - have added up to this: mean mama with a decreasing store of patience.

I don't think I'd realized how much stress Isaac was feeling until his preschool teacher told me what a hard time he'd had lately at school. Then I added it all up: trouble at school, clinging to other kids' mothers, and even a stutter that had appeared right when Jonah was born. Poor little man. I felt terrible, resolved to give him all the attention and alone time I could, and worked on my patience. When he spilled raw rice all over the sofa again ("You eating raw rice!"), when he raced loud tow-tow truck across the floor right past my sleeping (not for long) baby, I didn't snap at him. Things improved immediately. I haven't heard him stutter in weeks.

But through all this, his affection for Jonah never wavered. The dear little boy who used to hug and kiss my belly, who instructed the little fetus that outlets are dangerous and fire is hot, who showed him all his favorite toys (police car pressed against my skin with siren blaring) - now gives his real little brother hugs and tender kisses and loves to stroke his soft head. When Jonah cries, Isaac jumps in and uses the same tools we do to help him - distraction, motion, and physical comfort - although we've never told him what to do.

Not to say that I don't always have a hand ready to shield Jonah from flying wooden blocks, heavy plastic trucks being carried too haphazardly and too near his little head. But the almost-accidents are not malicious, and the resentful scowls - when I'm cooing back and forth with Jonah instead of helping Isaac find the tiny Nemo sticker he lost again - are almost always directed at me. Just the way I want it.

In the picture above, you can see Isaac showing Jonah his giraffe. Jonah loves to watch his big brother, and he would follow him around the room with his eyes weeks before he seemed very interested in Adam or me. Sometimes, of course, Isaac's best efforts don't work...


But then, sometimes persistence wins out.



Mr. Giraffe, a favorite toy. (thanks Jane)




I don't know if this will last, but Isaac loves to share with Jonah.
"This giraffe for JO-nah!"


Since Jonah was crying again, Isaac thought it might help to load him up with more toys...Maybe a lap full of plastic friends will make him feel better?


Um, no...


There are a few times I've been really touched by Isaac's instincts and care toward his brother. I'm going to write them here because I'll forget if I don't.

- The first was Nov 3, when Jonah was 5 weeks old. Adam was gone until late, and I had both boys at bedtime. Jonah was content in the crib while we brushed Isaac's teeth, changed his diaper, and read part of a book.
Then the crying started.
I got both boys in my lap in the rocking chair, plus the book, but the screaming was so loud there was no way to continue. Isaac was disturbed by the crying and mad about the disruption. But then he leaned over to stare at Jonah, and Jonah stopped crying and looked back. Isaac smiled.
The silence was brief, but when the crying started up again, Isaac took his brother's hand and held it. He watched him in calm silence and held onto those little fingers. I held them both and told Isaac, over the screaming, that even though it's loud and hurts our ears, we love Jonah. Then there was silence again, and the little guy lay in my arms, watching and listening, as Isaac and I finished the book, played, sang songs, and fixed blankets. As I tucked Isaac in, I asked if he could give Jonah a kiss goodnight. He leaned over and put the sweetest kiss on that little head. Started to lie down, then stood up to lay his head on Jonah's chest for a hug. Came back again for one more hug before getting under the covers.

- One night in the kitchen, I had to let Jonah cry in the bouncy seat for a few minutes while I finished up dinner. Isaac came running in and took his hand. When that didn't work, he gave him a hug and stroked his head slowly. When that didn't work, he started gently rocking the bouncy seat. When that didn't work either, he began bringing him his favorite toys to show him - police car with siren, giraffe and other animals, taxi car...And after all this, Jonah stopped crying and calmly watched Isaac while I finished dinner. I was amazed.

- At the grocery store last week, Jonah was crying in the checkout line (yes, this is getting to be a theme, but he really doesn't cry that much!). I was paying and couldn't do much at the moment. Isaac ran behind me and began pushing his stroller back and forth, rhythmically but gently, and Jonah got quiet.

- Jonah got his first shots at his 2-month checkup today, and it was heartbreaking for all of us. Isaac had insisted on coming along, and I'd warned him that Jonah would be really sad when he got his shots. As soon as Isaac heard him cry, he rushed over and took his hand, held it, and stood next to him so strong and serious, brow furrowed with concern, until I stood up to put his clothes back on.



If you're still with me after all this, I realize I sound pretty proud of our little man's big heart. He is two and a handful, and he says no to my every request most days. But if I could pick one trait for my boys to have, apart from a love of life, I would want them to be kind people. So far, so good.