When people ask about Jonah, they also kindly ask how Isaac is doing and how he likes having a brother. Some, maybe based on their own experiences, assume that he doesn't like it much.
Not true though - he adores Jonah, and though it was a big transition, the hard part was losing my attention. Now I can't run to him whenever he needs something, I can't snuggle peacefully at naptime if Jonah is screaming for his nap too, and we have very little time alone together. Worst of all, my lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion - from the times when both kids are screaming and I feel that I can't give either the comfort he needs - have added up to this: mean mama with a decreasing store of patience.
I don't think I'd realized how much stress Isaac was feeling until his preschool teacher told me what a hard time he'd had lately at school. Then I added it all up: trouble at school, clinging to other kids' mothers, and even a stutter that had appeared right when Jonah was born. Poor little man. I felt terrible, resolved to give him all the attention and alone time I could, and worked on my patience. When he spilled raw rice all over the sofa again ("You eating raw rice!"), when he raced loud tow-tow truck across the floor right past my sleeping (not for long) baby, I didn't snap at him. Things improved immediately. I haven't heard him stutter in weeks.
But through all this, his affection for Jonah never wavered. The dear little boy who used to hug and kiss my belly, who instructed the little fetus that outlets are dangerous and fire is hot, who showed him all his favorite toys (police car pressed against my skin with siren blaring) - now gives his real little brother hugs and tender kisses and loves to stroke his soft head. When Jonah cries, Isaac jumps in and uses the same tools we do to help him - distraction, motion, and physical comfort - although we've never told him what to do.
Not to say that I don't always have a hand ready to shield Jonah from flying wooden blocks, heavy plastic trucks being carried too haphazardly and too near his little head. But the almost-accidents are not malicious, and the resentful scowls - when I'm cooing back and forth with Jonah instead of helping Isaac find the tiny Nemo sticker he lost again - are almost always directed at me. Just the way I want it.
In the picture above, you can see Isaac showing Jonah his giraffe. Jonah loves to watch his big brother, and he would follow him around the room with his eyes weeks before he seemed very interested in Adam or me. Sometimes, of course, Isaac's best efforts don't work...
But then, sometimes persistence wins out.
Mr. Giraffe, a favorite toy. (thanks Jane)
I don't know if this will last, but Isaac loves to share with Jonah.
"This giraffe for JO-nah!"
Since Jonah was crying again, Isaac thought it might help to load him up with more toys...Maybe a lap full of plastic friends will make him feel better?
Um, no...
There are a few times I've been really touched by Isaac's instincts and care toward his brother. I'm going to write them here because I'll forget if I don't.
- The first was Nov 3, when Jonah was 5 weeks old. Adam was gone until late, and I had both boys at bedtime. Jonah was content in the crib while we brushed Isaac's teeth, changed his diaper, and read part of a book.
Then the crying started.
I got both boys in my lap in the rocking chair, plus the book, but the screaming was so loud there was no way to continue. Isaac was disturbed by the crying and mad about the disruption. But then he leaned over to stare at Jonah, and Jonah stopped crying and looked back. Isaac smiled.
The silence was brief, but when the crying started up again, Isaac took his brother's hand and held it. He watched him in calm silence and held onto those little fingers. I held them both and told Isaac, over the screaming, that even though it's loud and hurts our ears, we love Jonah. Then there was silence again, and the little guy lay in my arms, watching and listening, as Isaac and I finished the book, played, sang songs, and fixed blankets. As I tucked Isaac in, I asked if he could give Jonah a kiss goodnight. He leaned over and put the sweetest kiss on that little head. Started to lie down, then stood up to lay his head on Jonah's chest for a hug. Came back again for one more hug before getting under the covers.
- One night in the kitchen, I had to let Jonah cry in the bouncy seat for a few minutes while I finished up dinner. Isaac came running in and took his hand. When that didn't work, he gave him a hug and stroked his head slowly. When that didn't work, he started gently rocking the bouncy seat. When that didn't work either, he began bringing him his favorite toys to show him - police car with siren, giraffe and other animals, taxi car...And after all this, Jonah stopped crying and calmly watched Isaac while I finished dinner. I was amazed.
- At the grocery store last week, Jonah was crying in the checkout line (yes, this is getting to be a theme, but he really doesn't cry that much!). I was paying and couldn't do much at the moment. Isaac ran behind me and began pushing his stroller back and forth, rhythmically but gently, and Jonah got quiet.
- Jonah got his first shots at his 2-month checkup today, and it was heartbreaking for all of us. Isaac had insisted on coming along, and I'd warned him that Jonah would be really sad when he got his shots. As soon as Isaac heard him cry, he rushed over and took his hand, held it, and stood next to him so strong and serious, brow furrowed with concern, until I stood up to put his clothes back on.
If you're still with me after all this, I realize I sound pretty proud of our little man's big heart. He is two and a handful, and he says no to my every request most days. But if I could pick one trait for my boys to have, apart from a love of life, I would want them to be kind people. So far, so good.
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