I was starting to think he didn't know who I was and didn't care either. He stared at the fan or the wall when I talked to him and didn't seem to react when I entered the room. Unless he was hungry, and then he cried as soon as I picked him up. I wondered why, at 7 weeks, he wasn't looking us in the eye more and wasn't smiling much besides a passing look of humor maybe twice a day.
I should have had more faith. Like everything else Jonah does, he wants to do it his own way, in his own time (nursing and sleeping, for instance).
One morning I was telling Adam my frustrations - that of course everything I'd been through and was doing for Jonah was worth it, but I was still waiting for the part that makes it really worth it: being MAMA. The one who makes him light up, the one who soothes him when he's sad, the one he loves like no other. The smiles, staring me in the face, watching me as I move around the room. I wanted my baby to be in love with me.
As we talked, we realized that we'd been giving Jonah minimal social interaction in order to protect Isaac's feelings. Yes, I'd nursed him constantly in the early months, I was always holding him, we talked to him all day, but we hadn't wanted Isaac to see us fawning over another child. We didn't stare into his eyes and tell him how beautiful and perfect he was; we didn't coo at him or play with him without a constant worry that Isaac was feeling left out or jealous.
But every baby deserves to be fawned over. Every baby deserves that goofy, grinning, baby-talking, mama-in-love kind of attention that is so easy to give when there is only one child. And from what I understand, babies who get less social interaction don't smile as early. So we changed things. Isaac would have to adjust; we'd been ignoring our perfect number two a little bit.
During that conversation, I was holding Jonah, who was innocently staring at the wall. Adam started playing with him, giving his full attention, being silly, even though Isaac was within earshot. And Jonah looked up at him and smiled. And smiled more, and more. It was a series of big, toothless, whole-face smiles, eyes directed straight at Adam's face. I felt a little better.
From then on, we felt free to make a fuss over Jonah, the way we should have done all along. The first time Isaac saw me leaning over him, mimicking his sounds, blocking out all else but those big blue eyes staring into mine, he looked mad. Resentful. But he got used to it. And Jonah...well, it could have been a coincidence - maybe he just hadn't been ready yet - but after that conversation with Adam, and the changes we made, he started smiling all the time. Huge smiles, and beautiful coos to go with them.
Now his eyes follow me around the room. He stares at me with big eyes and a slight smile when I talk to him, he watches my mouth move like he's trying to learn how it all works, and he even initiates conversation by looking right at one of us and sending a big smile and a few words in Jonah-language our way.
I had nothing to worry about. He loves me. He loves all of us. And Isaac will be fine.
The pictures below are just from my cell phone, but they are still pretty cute.
No comments:
Post a Comment