Mid-Nov: Isaac is a natural

When people ask about Jonah, they also kindly ask how Isaac is doing and how he likes having a brother. Some, maybe based on their own experiences, assume that he doesn't like it much.

Not true though - he adores Jonah, and though it was a big transition, the hard part was losing my attention. Now I can't run to him whenever he needs something, I can't snuggle peacefully at naptime if Jonah is screaming for his nap too, and we have very little time alone together. Worst of all, my lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion - from the times when both kids are screaming and I feel that I can't give either the comfort he needs - have added up to this: mean mama with a decreasing store of patience.

I don't think I'd realized how much stress Isaac was feeling until his preschool teacher told me what a hard time he'd had lately at school. Then I added it all up: trouble at school, clinging to other kids' mothers, and even a stutter that had appeared right when Jonah was born. Poor little man. I felt terrible, resolved to give him all the attention and alone time I could, and worked on my patience. When he spilled raw rice all over the sofa again ("You eating raw rice!"), when he raced loud tow-tow truck across the floor right past my sleeping (not for long) baby, I didn't snap at him. Things improved immediately. I haven't heard him stutter in weeks.

But through all this, his affection for Jonah never wavered. The dear little boy who used to hug and kiss my belly, who instructed the little fetus that outlets are dangerous and fire is hot, who showed him all his favorite toys (police car pressed against my skin with siren blaring) - now gives his real little brother hugs and tender kisses and loves to stroke his soft head. When Jonah cries, Isaac jumps in and uses the same tools we do to help him - distraction, motion, and physical comfort - although we've never told him what to do.

Not to say that I don't always have a hand ready to shield Jonah from flying wooden blocks, heavy plastic trucks being carried too haphazardly and too near his little head. But the almost-accidents are not malicious, and the resentful scowls - when I'm cooing back and forth with Jonah instead of helping Isaac find the tiny Nemo sticker he lost again - are almost always directed at me. Just the way I want it.

In the picture above, you can see Isaac showing Jonah his giraffe. Jonah loves to watch his big brother, and he would follow him around the room with his eyes weeks before he seemed very interested in Adam or me. Sometimes, of course, Isaac's best efforts don't work...


But then, sometimes persistence wins out.



Mr. Giraffe, a favorite toy. (thanks Jane)




I don't know if this will last, but Isaac loves to share with Jonah.
"This giraffe for JO-nah!"


Since Jonah was crying again, Isaac thought it might help to load him up with more toys...Maybe a lap full of plastic friends will make him feel better?


Um, no...


There are a few times I've been really touched by Isaac's instincts and care toward his brother. I'm going to write them here because I'll forget if I don't.

- The first was Nov 3, when Jonah was 5 weeks old. Adam was gone until late, and I had both boys at bedtime. Jonah was content in the crib while we brushed Isaac's teeth, changed his diaper, and read part of a book.
Then the crying started.
I got both boys in my lap in the rocking chair, plus the book, but the screaming was so loud there was no way to continue. Isaac was disturbed by the crying and mad about the disruption. But then he leaned over to stare at Jonah, and Jonah stopped crying and looked back. Isaac smiled.
The silence was brief, but when the crying started up again, Isaac took his brother's hand and held it. He watched him in calm silence and held onto those little fingers. I held them both and told Isaac, over the screaming, that even though it's loud and hurts our ears, we love Jonah. Then there was silence again, and the little guy lay in my arms, watching and listening, as Isaac and I finished the book, played, sang songs, and fixed blankets. As I tucked Isaac in, I asked if he could give Jonah a kiss goodnight. He leaned over and put the sweetest kiss on that little head. Started to lie down, then stood up to lay his head on Jonah's chest for a hug. Came back again for one more hug before getting under the covers.

- One night in the kitchen, I had to let Jonah cry in the bouncy seat for a few minutes while I finished up dinner. Isaac came running in and took his hand. When that didn't work, he gave him a hug and stroked his head slowly. When that didn't work, he started gently rocking the bouncy seat. When that didn't work either, he began bringing him his favorite toys to show him - police car with siren, giraffe and other animals, taxi car...And after all this, Jonah stopped crying and calmly watched Isaac while I finished dinner. I was amazed.

- At the grocery store last week, Jonah was crying in the checkout line (yes, this is getting to be a theme, but he really doesn't cry that much!). I was paying and couldn't do much at the moment. Isaac ran behind me and began pushing his stroller back and forth, rhythmically but gently, and Jonah got quiet.

- Jonah got his first shots at his 2-month checkup today, and it was heartbreaking for all of us. Isaac had insisted on coming along, and I'd warned him that Jonah would be really sad when he got his shots. As soon as Isaac heard him cry, he rushed over and took his hand, held it, and stood next to him so strong and serious, brow furrowed with concern, until I stood up to put his clothes back on.



If you're still with me after all this, I realize I sound pretty proud of our little man's big heart. He is two and a handful, and he says no to my every request most days. But if I could pick one trait for my boys to have, apart from a love of life, I would want them to be kind people. So far, so good.

Nov 11 - week full of walks

In early to mid-November, we had a string of warm, blue-sky days - 60's and even 70's warm. So Isaac and I decided to walk everywhere we could - to playgroups, to meet friends for lunch, to the grocery store (pushing 2 sturdy boys plus groceries back up the hill to our house = good exercise for me). Anywhere within 12 blocks. Most of the time, Isaac wants to walk too, so we compromise: I get my exercise on the way over, and Isaac gets to run and explore on the way back. Sometimes the pace is excruciatingly slow (yesterday I was about to fall asleep during an hour-long walk home!), but more often, it's time for Isaac and me to spend together - finding pretty leaves and rocks, walking on every wall, stopping to lounge in the grass or a pile of crackly leaves - while Jonah takes his morning nap in the stroller.

Nov 9 - Who's Teaching Who?

These pictures are unrelated to the post, but I thought I'd include them because they are from the same morning, they show off Jonah's beautiful sweater that a favorite friend made him, and anyway, what's a baby blog post with no pictures?

In case it's not clear to anyone, I'm writing this because of what it says about Isaac, not about me.

We found ourselves in the house one Monday morning with nothing to do - a situation I try to avoid - so I decided it would be errand day. In my childhood, I saw errands as chores - not fun - so I was surprised when Isaac sped through his breakfast and said "Go errands please!"

We needed to go to the bakery (bread heaven right here in our neighborhood), Target (to exchange a newborn outfit that Jonah wouldn't fit into for long), then the grocery store. What I thought would be an uneventful and somewhat tedious outing (getting 2 kids in and out of the car three times) turned out to be a wonderful morning with Isaac and a learning experience for both of us.

I was standing in the Target parking lot when a beggar made his way toward us. I'd just clicked the infant carrier into the top of a grocery cart, Isaac was still buckled into his carseat in the car, and suddenly there was this man with a long beard and wild eyes standing too close, just on the other side of the cart. With my tiny baby between us, and my big baby stuck in the car, we were vulnerable. If I needed to, I couldn't quickly run away with Jonah or drive away with Isaac without leaving one child behind. I just wanted the man to leave.

He asked me for money, and asked again, and I just shook my head and said sorry, not making eye contact or inviting further conversation. Hoping that a polite but minimal response would send him on to the next car as soon as possible.

He looked like he was about to leave, and I felt relief, until he looked straight at me and said the quiet words I heard in my head all day: "I'm just hungry."

And then he moved on.

I'm sure he had no idea what kind of position he'd put me in. And besides, I don't usually give money to beggars because I don't know what they're going to do with it or how much help it could really be. After the eye-opening street life of Paris, I'm a cynic. I always feel like I'm about to get tricked.

I pushed the cart to Isaac's door and unbuckled him, put him in the back of the cart. Relief. Both boys together, contained, safe.

Then I looked for the man. He was asking someone else for money, a few cars down on the other side of the row. I looked for cash in my wallet, thinking I'd give him a five. All I had were ones and a few twenties. I looked at my Highlander, my beautiful boys, and of course I pulled out a twenty. I tucked it in my pocket and put away my wallet.

I thought we'd have to track him down, but just then, he was back in front of us again. He started to talk, then mumbled, "Oh, I already asked you."

He turned, and I said, "Here, I have something for you." Handed him the twenty, watched his eyes light up and heard his gleeful "Yes!"

I wondered what he would spend it on - if he would really go buy food - and I hoped it would last a couple of meals and not fund comforts instead like alcohol or cigarettes. I was still cynical. But then his face changed as he looked at the bill; his eyes looked wet, and he said, "You're going to make me cry." He pointed to a fast-food restaurant across the parking lot and said he was going there right away to get something to eat. His emotion was genuine, heart-wrenching, and I found that even though I thought I was helping someone else, I was the one who came away with a warmth inside that lasted all week. It was such a small thing, and others do so much more than I do with all my unrealized good intentions. But this meant a lot - to both of us.

And to a third person too. Once we were inside, I asked Isaac if he'd heard the man asking for money. I explained that some people don't have any food to eat, and we gave him some of our money so he could go get something to eat. I know that our children learn best from our actions, so I wanted to make sure he understood.
Isaac looked at me thoughtfully, then solemnly leaned over and kissed my cheek. And that was the best thank you of all.

Nov 8 - Buchi and a walk downtown

It was a lazy but active Sunday morning. We finally got a double stroller, so we loaded up the boys and walked to Buchi - a Cuban cafe with amazing coffee and good egg sandwiches - in the beautiful fall sunshine. Leaves crackled under our feet, the air was brisk, and it felt good to walk somewhere that we usually drive.
Isaac brought Mama Duck and Baby Duck, pictured above waiting for their breakfast to arrive.

Jonah didn't fall asleep in the stroller and instead stared wide-eyed at the trees and sky. Once at Buchi, he insisted on being held. I walked him until the food came, but then he sat in my lap and let me eat my sandwich and drink my coffee. It was just in the days before this outing that Jonah started to enjoy just sitting and watching - meaning that Adam and I now get the occasional break from walking and entertaining him.

Not the best picture of Isaac, but better than nothing, I suppose...playing with his water, as usual, occasionally stopping to turn toward the kitchen and call "Foo-ood!"

We walked back home to feed Jonah and then went out again, crossing the pedestrian bridge to the paths along Cherry Creek. There was a fun playground we'd always seen from Speer, and I'd never known where to park to get to it. So we walked there, the four of us plus Smokey.


Adam with the stroller and a cool old bridge across Cherry Creek.



On the walk home, Isaac insisted on walking for much of the way, which made it a little longer. He ran more than he walked though, stopping every so often to look at me with great seriousness and say:
(pointing to his shoes) "Those are your running shoes!"
(pulling on his shirt) "This your running shirt!"
(pulling on pants) "Those your running pants!"
And then he was off again, running in that adorable see-saw toddler gait that I know he will grow out of soon and that I will hate to see disappear.

We stopped to discuss the locks. Isaac said "You don't go in fast water!" Good job.

Almost home, we passed by this rotting pumpkin. I said, "Look Isaac, that pumpkin looks sad."
Isaac stared at the pumpkin, disturbed, and said "Make him feel better!" Then he wanted to go home and see if our pumpkin (still uncarved) was sad too.

Nov 5-7: A few shots of Jonah

Jonah at almost 6 weeks. These are just cell phone shots, but he is growing so fast, I thought they were worth posting for those of you who are far away.

Nov 4 - morning at the park with friends

Since our October snowstorm, we've had a spell of beautiful days - sunshine and temperatures in the upper 50's - 70's through the first half of November!

On this Wednesday morning, Isaac met his buddies Jack and Oliver at a playground.

Here we are getting ready - Isaac in his cute new flannel shirt from Deedah, Jonah in a gorgeous sweater made for him by a very talented friend.




We have so many playgrounds in our neighborhood, that somehow we'd never been to this one before. The boys loved it.




Last year's pants...





Isaac always wants whatever food Megan brings...This time it was almonds. See how he is eyeing his next bite even while he still has one in his hand.


Jonah slept through the whole playdate.

But that meant Isaac and I had a lot of time to play together. He has missed me a lot, and after visiting with his friends for a bit, he just wanted to play with me. We drove the bus to school again and again, stopped for snack breaks ("watermelon" anyone?), sang silly songs, and crossed the wobbly bridge together. My mama friends kept an eye on Jonah for me so I could focus on Isaac - the best gift possible for us on that day.


How do you get a 2-year-old to follow you to the car when you already have a child to carry? How can my distractions compete with a fountain to play with? Isaac still loves water...and we eventually got to the car. Mainly, you just can't be in a hurry.