I admit that I'm a little proud of how our boys eat. They have big appetites, but I've also tried hard to make whole, unprocessed, plant foods a normal and large component of our meals. Even when they were younger and I knew they would pick every last veggie off their pizza, I never got them plain cheese because I wanted the veggies to be their "normal." Isaac now says he loves veggie pizza - especially mushrooms, cabbage, and olives. Of course, he loves pepperoni too. I'll take it.
But lately Isaac is starting to hear from other kids that vegetables are yucky; he's repeated it to me a few times, looking skeptical. I just tell him that we are lucky because we get really good veggies - organic and straight from our garden or "our" farm. And that most kids don't get to eat veggies as good as ours. He seems to get it.
Who came up with the idea that veggies are yucky, anyway? Or that any food is yucky? Traveling in the developing world, I saw scrawny kids happy for a scrap of food from a restaurant patron's plate, or even worse, scrawny kids searching through garbage for edible bites. With that in mind, what right do we have, or do our kids have, to turn down perfectly good, healthy, unspoiled food just because we want something else? Or because heaven forbid it's the wrong shape or because it's touched something else on the plate?
Our boys have never cared if their foods were separate, touching or mixed together. And if they don't like something on their plates, they never have to eat it. They don't even have to like it. But they do have to taste it, so they know if they like it or not. And they can't have anything else if there's still food on their plates, because that would be a waste of good food. Sometimes they think it's worth it to finish something they don't like because they want a third piece of homemade bread, or they want to go get ice cream after dinner. And often once they take a few more bites, they discover that the new food is actually pretty good. And they ask for more. Other times, they let it sit, even if they're still a little hungry. They go play and don't pester me too much for more food; they know how it works.
I might have a lot of moral beliefs surrounding food, but I try not to take it too seriously; mealtimes at our house are fun and silly. I try to cook from scratch as much as I can, and we don't eat anything from a can (BPA worries) or anything made with ingredients that we can't find in a garden or on a farm (i.e. no natural flavor, whatever that is, and definitely no preservatives). So the food is good, colorful, beautiful, and made with love that honestly makes it taste even better. We stop to notice how beautiful the pumpkin puree is, almost neon orange. We say "crunch!" and giggle when we bite into a perfectly crisp fall apple. We discuss whether we like the crispier kale chips or the greener ones better. We wait for the first scent of baking bread that tells us our afternoon treat is almost ready. Food is fuel for our bodies, but it's also an experience of all five senses. And while we eat, unless the food is just so stunningly good that it throws us all into a concentrated, rapturous silence, we usually chatter and laugh a lot.
Still, there are some rules that guide us, though we rarely have to bring them up.
* We try to have something fresh with every meal - a fruit or a veggie. It can be cooked, but mainly I'm trying to avoid the easy pattern of feeding us different combinations of a bread and a cheese.
* We usually eat in courses, with veggies first. That way we get our healthiest food while we are hungriest. In summertime, I'll put a bowl of fresh green beans or carrots on the counter while I finish making the rest of dinner.
* Eat what is on your plate before you get more food. That way we don't waste anything.
* That said, you never have to eat anything. But if you don't, you will see it again at the next meal, unless someone else eats it for you (This does often happen; the boys often finish each other's meals when one is hungrier or likes the food better.) The only reason you have to eat something is if you want something else. And you know there might not be more food coming until the next meal. Sometimes we snack, sometimes we don't; it depends on how hungry everyone is on each day.
* Kids always want what they see their grownups eating. If I snack on a salad, the boys beg me for lettuce with sauce. They once cried because I was too slow to give them more bites of my beets. If I cook a pot of steamed greens in the afternoon, Jonah will sit in my lap and share them with me (still working on Isaac). But if I want a piece of apple pie, of course they do too. It's all about modeling good eating habits. Disclaimer: It's not that we don't sometimes sit on the sofa and eat frozen custard from Good Times after the boys are in bed - yum! - but we do try to be very aware of what we're teaching them when we're together. We also drink plenty of wine in this house, but the boys seem content so far with our premise that wine is a grownup drink and it's okay as long as you don't drink too much.
* Two treats per day maximum, and you have to eat a serving of veggies before each one. The boys almost never remember to ask for treats unless there is a stash of Halloween candy sitting around (what can you do?), and often by the time they've had their carrot or lettuce with sauce, they don't have room for the candy anymore anyway.
* Snacks are a chance to fit in more nutrients. If the boys are hungry, then their bodies need fuel, not junk. So we eat real food. You'd never see us with a package of processed snacks in the car. Here are some of our favorite snacks: plain yogurt with maple syrup or frozen blueberries, oatmeal, carrots, lettuce or cabbage with sauce, sliced avocado, frozen peas, homemade muffins or bread or pumpkin biscuits, rice cake with peanut butter, cheese on whole wheat crackers, fresh fruit, peanuts or pecans. I always tell them what we have and let them choose what sounds best. They always have a preference for something.
* No emotional strings attached to food. We don't praise eating or criticize not eating. We don't ask them to eat; obviously they will if they get hungry enough. Why does any healthy person deserve praise for eating? That's like being congratulated for sleeping when you're tired. The boys can like or dislike any food they want; no pressure. But they do like most things. Most important, though there's nothing that gives me such pleasure as watching my family devour a bowl of fresh veggies, I try not to let them know just how much it means to me. They know I love it when they enjoy my cooking, but hopefully I control my pride when we eat 10 different vegetables in a day (yes, it happens, thanks to our farmshare).
* We don't use food as a reward or to ward off boredom. An occasional ice cream outing to celebrate something, okay, but never so often that it would be expected. We don't pack snacks as entertainment for airplane or car rides. It definitely helps to plan travel over mealtimes, sure, but for entertainment, I pack toys and stickers and sticky notes, not food.
* Lastly, when we go to someone else's house, we are grateful for whatever food they give us. Most of our friends are like-minded eaters and serve us wonderful meals, but even so, we would never criticize the choices that others make.
On this particular night, we had a lot of farmshare veggies in the fridge and not much in the way of dinner plans. So I tossed roasted beets with feta, sliced some good fall apples, mixed pumpkin puree with yogurt and a touch of sugar and cinnamon for smoothies, and roasted kale chips; that was dinner. At first Isaac said he didn't like beets, but when I added the feta, he ate it all and asked for more. Jonah had such a great beet face that I had to take a picture:
Adam was hard at work, as he often is at dinnertime, but as the rest of us ate, it turned into one of those nights when the boys spent an hour or more at the kitchen counter, eating slowly and with great enjoyment while they played and squealed and generally entertained each other and me. They are the best of friends, most of the time. And though I try to hide it, I always feel the warmth of pride inside as I watch them feed their growing brains and bodies with the best food I can give them.
Like I said, I never want to criticize anyone else. We all do what we feel is best and what we can manage. But I put this much thought into feeding my family because I really believe that food is the best medicine we have - preventative medicine - and that a diet full of all the nutrients we need, and none of the added chemicals that are distinctly not food, will keep us all healthier and even make the boys smarter. So far, so good. We are grateful every day for our good health and great food.
Below is the pumpkin milkshake, which really was yummy.
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